45 Minutes, 1 Chapter
by LorddHumungous
Summary: Hey guys, so this is an idea I've had for a while. It's where I set a timer for 45 minutes, and try to write a chapter for a fanfiction before the timer ends. The catch is, I'm not allowed to have come up with any ideas beforehand. I have to make up the story as I go. Each chapter was written days or weeks after the last to make sure I'm not still drawing from the same ideas. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1: Minecon Massacre

One morning, Spike awoke earlier than normal because it was a saturday. He sat down on the couch eating his Creeper Crunchies, and turned on his saturday morning cartoons (Minecraft let's plays). Since Twilight was asleep, and thus unconscious and mentally in another realm, Spike knew he could be as loud as he wanted. He smashed that volume up to the max and started yellin'. Spike then heard a slam come from above him.

"Oh SHIT!" Spike yelled, knowing it was Twilight telling him to shut up. He got up and made a mad dash back for his room, and landed a running slap on the TV to get it to shut up as well. The TV instead just fell back and made a huge hole in the wall, while still blasting some shrill british guys voice. Spike got back into bed so he could go back to sleep.

Twilight was awake now, and there was no getting back to sleepo with the TV screeching out minecraft let's plays. She got up, groggy as hell, and walked downstairs. When she got down there she saw the TV knocked over with one corner slammed through the wall. She didn't have the energy to go yell at Spike. She went over to pick up the box of Creeper Crunchies, but when she did the bag fell out because spike had opened the box from the bottom. As she picked up the bag of square cereal, Twilight also found three tickets on the floor that had fallen out with it. They were tickets to minecon. Spike, who heard that his crunchies were in danger, peeked around the corner.

"Well, I guess I can just sell these to pay for fixing the wall…". Spike was immediately enraged. He started huffing and puffing, while making weird crying squeaking noises. He broke his minecraft pen in half he was so mad. He'd never forgive Twilight for this. Never ever. Spike wanted to barrel into the living room and slam twilight's head into the ceiling, but he had a much better idea…

That night

Twilight was asleep in her bed, finally getting a good night's sleep since Spike was inexplicably out with his friends all day. Spike, wearing a ski mask, was crouched outside Twilight's room with a walky talky.

"Diamond pickaxe to emerald block, do you read me emerald block?" Spike asks.

"I hear you loud and clear Diamond pickaxe. Me and Redstone torch are in position." the voice of Snips says.

"Operation Griefer is a go." Spike says. He swings the door open and runs into twilight's room just as Snips and Snails climb in through the window, also wearing ski masks. They all start beating Twilight with wooden minecraft swords (made of real wood).

"OW STOP IT!" Twilight screams while being mercilessly wailed on. Finally they beat her into submission. After finding the tickets on top of her nightstand, Snips pulls out a flint and steel and lights Twilight's bed on fire. Twilight regains consciousness and runs all around the room screaming. The Redstone torch, Emerald block and Diamond block evac the hot-zone… meaning they climbed back out the window.

The Next Day

Twilight and the rest of the mane six are outside the burned to shit library while firefighters desperately try to put out the fire.

"So what're you gonna do, Twilight?" Applejack asks. Twilight had already been to the emergency room, and still had the wristband on as well as a bandage on her head.

"I'm gonna find them, and Spike is gonna be grounded. I'm gonna go wild on his computer, I'm gonna blow up his minecraft Girlfriends house, I'm gonna-"

"Woah Twilight, don't you think that's taking it a little too far?"  
Big Mac asks, being an avid minecraft player himself and knowing what it's like to lose a minecraft girlfriend.

"No, I'm gonna burn down _his_ house and see how _he_ likes it!" Twilight says.

"Well, how are you gonna find him?" Rainbow Dash asks.

"Well obviously he's gonna be at minecon with his two friends, so we've gotta take a trip to Calhoofornia!" Twilight says.

Spike is in hell chatting it up with Discord to make up for the fact that it's been years IRL.

"So yeah, Me, Snips and Snails just went in and beat up Twilight and stole the three tickets." Spike said.

"Are you gonna take Snips and Snails to minecon with you?" Discord asks.

"Nah. They're gonna get charged for assault with a deadly weapon, arson, destruction of property, and theft. I mean, they _think_ they're going to minecon." Spike said.

"Well then…" Discord started.

"Yeah you and Starswirl the bearded can go." Spike said.

"What?" Discord asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeh Discord you're pretty predictable." Spike said. Discord would have slaughtered Spike in an instant for suggesting such a thing, but a free trip to Minecon was a free trip to Minecon.

"Hey Star! Get over here!" Discord yelled. Starswirl the bearded, dressed in a suit of real life gold armor, walked up to them.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Spike's got tickets to Minecon! We're going to Minecon!" Discord shouted in excitement. Starswirl the bearded flipped out his two pickaxe fidget spinners, held them up and started screeching like a nine year old.

A week later or some shit when Minecon is happening

The main six were waiting to get into Minecon. They were surrounded by a bunch of children, most of which were under the age of ten. The rest were all adults.

"Look at these dweebs!" Rainbow Dash said. A large shadow casted over them.

"Who are you calling a dweeb you fucking nigger?" a deep voice boomed. A large man dressed as an iron golem towered over them. Big Mac valiantly started throwing hooves at the man, defending Rainbow Dash, his minecraft girlfriend (because Big Mac had a crush on her and they were at Minecon which is basically minecraft in real life). Big Mac and the golem did battle outside of Minecon for about a minute and half before security dragged them both off to jail.

When they got into Minecon, they quickly found Spike, Discord and Starswirl the bearded all sitting at a table dividing up the minecraft gummies they had gotten at a booth. They just started running at them. Spike and Starswirl hopped on Discord's back and he flew them away.

"Where are we going?" Spike asked.

"Somewhere they'll never find us!" Discord said. He flew them into the live CaptainSparklez concert. They quickly blended into the crowd.

"Alright minecraft kids, it's time for the main event!" CaptainSparklez said into the mic. Everyone started clapping and cheering.

"Let the ceremony begin!" CaptainSparklez then pointed at Starswirl the bearded.

"Look he's wearing butter armor! Let's sacrifice him!". The children all crowded around starswirl the bearded, their sharp fingernails easily sinking past his gold armor and into his flesh. They tore him to pieces.

"Now with the blood of the demon, minecraft can be real!" CaptainSparklez said. All of the sudden, a roar could be heard. The Ender Dragon smashed its head through the building and started devouring the children.

"Discord! You've gotta stop this! Spike yelled.

"I can't! I've only beaten the Ender Dragon in creative!" Discord admitted. Discord then logged out… meaning he just disappeared from all reality. The whole Minecon building was then griefed IRL by the Ender Dragon because now reality was minecraft. Twilight grabbed Spike using her magic.

"Aha!" She shouted. Spike threw his laptop into the fire so Twilight couldn't fuck up his minecraft.

To be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2: Everthing

Chapter 2

-Recap-

Spike, having thought ahead of time as to what Twilight may do upon finding him at Minecon, had expertly trashed his own laptop because he knew she'd fuck up his minecraft. Now of course, she was helpless. For once in their lives, she was the slave because she couldn't burn down his captain planet wool art, or uninstall his sex mods that he had downloaded without her permission. Spike was un-fucking-stoppable now.

Spike is sitting on his bed because he has nothing to do. He burned his laptop, so he can't play minecraft. He's also grounded so he can't play minecraft (because now real life is minecraft).

Meanwhile, Twilight is visiting Apple farm because Big Mac is no longer there to do labor, and they need some help moving hay and relocating Granny.

"Jeez Twilight, I can't thank y'all enough fer this." Applejack says. They're moving a cart of apples to the house.

"It's my pleasure," says Twilight. "Say, where are we moving these apples for?".

"We gots a big surprise for Granny Smith." Applejack says. The two hear the pounding of hooves. They look over to see Applebloom and her only two friends stomping around like Applebloom probably taught them, seeing as how Applebloom is inbred and prone to doing weird unexplainable shit. What they don't see is that the CMC are stomping a in a circle around a squirrel, closing in around it until their hooves thunder down upon it, smashing its feeble body.

After they're done moving the apples into the house, they move Granny Smith into the cellar. You see, Big Mac nearly killed the village Golem. For something like that, he's never getting out of jail and he may just log out with a bottle of windex. Now the apple family is without their best worker so they had to lock Granny in a cold cement room full of pig bones and hundred year old excrement so Applebloom and Applejack wouldn't starve to death. Applejack needed the apples to bake a bunch of pies in celebration because now they had more apples than they knew what to do with.

Spike is still sitting in his room. Twilight comes in with a newspaper.

"Spike oh my god I'm so sorry your friend Snips killed himself in jail!" Twilight says.

"Why didn't the nigga just grab some fucklin cow juice my nigguh" Lakayla says. Twilight walks over and hands Spike the newspaper so he can read the article. Twilight then notices the big lipped African Americoon that broke into their house. She screams.

"Nigguh y'all know what's up next on jetix nigguh." Shakayla yells inappropriately loud because she doesn't have an indoor voice because her family grew up in the woods eating ants off a fucking stick. She grabs Twilight by the hair and starts awkwardly punching her really hard. This is just step one.

"Bitch!" Shakayla yells. Twilight is just flailing around desperately trying to get away. Spike picks up his entire night stand and crushes Shakayla like shes the wicked witch of the west. Her feet curl up and return to the mud.

Applejack is baking pies for hers and Appleblooms celebratory feast because now they had shit tons of food to spare. The only problem being that Applebloom is straight outta deliverance with her hick ass, but she's also your average 14 year old girl with 2 friends. It's really difficult to hold a conversation with Applebloom because not only does she have mental pauses but her and her faggoty friends have a million Harry Potter and Steven Universe inside jokes that mentally advanced members of society can't even understand. Then when she talks with you she'll just use the same jokes. Imagine being so gay that you just say shit to people that makes no sense then outright tell them that they aren't supposed to get it. Imagine being that fucking gay for a moment.

Anyway, Applejack invited over her real christian friend Pinkie Pie because Pinkie is more Appleblooms speed, having eaten rocks for brunch and dinner as a foal and becoming developmentally disabled. The only jokes she even likes are ones that don't make sense. Imagine for a moment being so gay that you laugh at jokes that you don't even get.  
Return of the Jedi is like the gayest movie ever made. Yeah the first third is pretty good, but Endor sucks. It's cool looking, and could've been a good setting but everything that actually happens there is just C-3PO (Who has gotta be like Randall under that shit) playing with furry rabbit shits. They literally played marbles, threw down on the mound with midgets in fur suits but didn't even have good laser fights. Speeders are cool, but you know what isn't? *Commanduh, bring in the toughest stohm troopahs eveh made!* then the stormtroopers just get killed like its nothing. Fuck that movie. I'm glad harrison Shnord the gargamel hollywood jew got crucified by the real christian Stimpy.

Pinkie pie showed up in a jiffy, ate an entire hot-outta-the-oven apple pie then left. She scolded the roof of her mouth on that shit. owie, FUCK. It hurt enough that if you came into her room, she'd be like "GET THE FUCK OUT" but not enough that she'd cry afterwards.

-That Night-

Spike easily sneaks out of his room. He goes down to the lake because he needs to find the biggest GayBone he can to help him out.

"Hey Steven Magnet!" Spike yells. A great river beast rises up from the river.

"Come on, Snips killed himself so I'm gonna go steal his computer." Spike says. Steven magnet, the 30 foot dragon looks down at Spike with glowing eyes.

"What do I get out of it?" He asks.

"Uhh you can have the computer." Spike says. The two sneak into ponyville, and make their way over to Snips' house.

"Look, Snips' room is up there through that window. Imma go get a ladder so I can climb in." Spike says. He runs off to the nearest hardware store. Meanwhile Steven Magnet slithers into the window. Once inside, he sees the computer. His large reptilian eyes widen when he sees it. Surely it plays Minecraft at at least 25 frames per second. As he reaches towards it, he hears a meow. The dragon looks over to see a white cat sitting on the bed. His eagle-like claw shoots over and snatches the cat. The cat screams and hisses as he throws it across the room, making a considerable dent in the wall. The huge serpent wriggles its entire body into the small room and punches the cat as hard as he can, his fist breaking all its ribs and turning its guts to mush.

Spike returns with his ladder, seeing that Steven universe already opened the window for him. He climbs up only to see Steven with the dead cat in his mouth.

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK!" Spike yells. Immediately a creeper comes up behind Steven Magnet and explodes, making his body fly up and hit the ceiling. Creepers flood the streets, blowing up tons of houses and killing everyone.

Sweetie bell, having had a fun day doing horrifying shit with her 2 friends, walks past Rarity.

"Where are you off to darling?" Rarity asks.

"I'm tired. See you in the morning Rarity!" Sweetie bell says.

"Good night darling!" Rarity says. Moments later, Sweety bell comes running back into the room crying.

"What's going on?" Rarity asks.

"I can't go to sleep! There are monsters nearby!" Sweetie bell says. Rarity starts panicking. Before she can run over and close the door, she hears a hiss. The entire house is blown over like an atomic bomb landed. Rarity flies at least 300 feet before she dies of whiplash mid air. Sweetie bells skull was smashed when a rogue table leg blowed through her forehead. All of ponyville was totally fucked that night, all because Steven Magnet killed that ocelot.

-Next time on 45 Minutes, 1 Chapter-

After Ponyville was destroyed by creepers, everypony has to go find a new home. There is one village in Africa which will accept refugees.

Will Spike get a computer?

Will Applebloom make another friend?

Will Rainbow Dashes stoning be found on Liveleak?

Tune in next time on 45 Minutes 1 Chapter!


	3. Chapter 3: Niggas in the Mist

All the africans were minding their day indulging in their rich culture. Jerome, an African king walked through the village. He passed the blacksmith, the cobblestone tower, and the village well. He then walked towards his hut. Sure, the floor was only four blocks of dirt, but it was still his kingdom. His queen and child were inside, and king Jerome was pleased to see them. He was not pleased however, when he saw that king Bahir, who owned that one house with the backyard, was also in his hut.

"HEH! BAHILD" he yelled. He quickly equipped his enchanted Iron sword and sprinted at his house. His queen and child quickly ran out the door, but Bahir was too late. Jeromes sword was enchanted with knockback, so Bahir went flying backwards into the claustrophobic hut.

"Ples Jedome! I gib you all mah coal!" Bahir pleaded, the iron sword glistening before his bleeding, sliced open chest.

"What did u seh to me?" Jerome asked, a cold look on his face. He closed the door. Jeromes queen and his child were standing outside, crying. The queen covered the kids eyes so he did not see the horror unfold.

Jerome spammed the attack button like a fucking maniac, sending the torn apart body of Bahir crashing into the corners of the hut, smashing the windows and splintering the wood. Bahirs arms, legs, sliced open head and guts soon piled up to a knee height mass in the hut, and Jerome stopped swinging.

Jerome opened the door, body parts pouring out. He remembered that he'd never had a child, so Bahir must have put up a torch or whatever so he and Jeromes queen could spawn one. Jerome, with the sword in hand started walking towards the two. His queen began sprinting away screaming.

"WHY ARD YU RHONNING?" he shouted. Just then the iron golem walked up and uppercutted him into another hut. He didn't get a single hit off on the golem and shit himself as he took seven hearts of damage with each attack. After he died, another king walked up and picked up Jeromes items.

The peaceful african culture was ruined forever when a ship sailed in. All the little african children in their good will and salvation army jackets and jeans watched as the big boat docked at the beach. A ramp came down, and several ponies walked onto the sand.

"Do they have electricity here?" Spike asked.

"Whatta you think?" young child Sheldon Cooper said, with a laugh track playing.

"Y'all niggas welcome to the mo'fuckin village!" a king in a supreme hoodie said, lifting his arm up and swinging it around while pointing at the ground.

"Hey niggas uhhh," another king in a bomber jacket and timbs said, walking up to them. "I can give y'all a tour if y'all like."

They then followed this king until he led them to the edge of the village where he promptly mugged three of them and ran off. These three of course were applejack, applebloom and Scootaloo because she had no friends and no parents since the creeper attack and was living with the apples.

Within two weeks, Spike was in school with all the little kings and queens. It was a weekend now so him and little Sheldon were riding their boats around a lake on the edge of the village. Little Sheldon had made friends in the village, well sorta. He hung around four black kids. There was one time the other day when they all sat in a circle saying things they hated. One would say "fuck school" then the next would say "fuck my dad" then "fuck bugs" and so on. Sheldon really wanted to say "fuck niggers" but then remembered that he'd probably actually get killed so he just said fuck black beard or something. Whatever tho they're in boats now.

Spike came out of nowhere and slammed his boat into sheldons.

"Ahoy!" Spike shouted. Sheldon sailed away a bit. Spike put a claw to his chin like a scholar. Spike had rehearsed this intellectual point for like a week so he could outsmart Sheldon.

"You know, I really wished pirate movies had some more vocabulary. There's Klingon dictionaries but nobody even tries to expand on the pirate mythos." Spike said.

"You know Pirates aren't made up right?" Little Sheldon asked. Spike actually had no idea that pirates were based in facts let alone ever real so now it was time for little Sheldon to talk his ear off about black beard and shit. He was soon interrupted though when the real black beard showed up.

"Y'all bettuh be careful now, pedophile niggas 'round here." A bearded black man in a hoodie said to them from the edge of the water.

"What?" Sheldon asked.

"Pedophile niggas." He repeated. They all just kinda stared at each other for like ten seconds before the black man snatched Sheldon and ran off barefoot into a nearby jungle.

Spike ran back into town to go get the adults to solve the mystery of the crazy black man.

"Cowboys? Not even real." Rainbow dash said in front of her friends trying to sound cool despite honestly believing cowboys were made up by Hollywood. Spike busted down the door and told them what happened. The village soon mobilized to track down and kill the pedophile. Their team of brave heroes to stop this menace included but was not limited to: black Spider-Man.

In total 36 African Americans and 15 ponies stormed through the jungle, and they stopped when they reached a huge square building made of iron blocks. They started hitting the building with pick axes.

"Hol' up!" A voice yelled. They looked up and saw the pedophile standing on top of the building.

"What are you buildin nigga!" A king yelled.

"I'm buildin' a TNT factory cuz!" He yelled back. The crowd gasped.

"I don't want no talk nigga! Y'all know what time it is!" A king said, punching the iron wall.

"I know y'all think I'm some sorta monster or some shit for stealin ya boy Sheldon, but lemme explain." The pedophile started. Readers, I want you to know that I'm about to share my honest philosophy as to why I think pedophelia is not harmful. Please be respectful.

"I did everything fo dat kid man, I helped him out mo' den his own fathah! Y'all really think his dads gonna help his balls drop niggas!? I popped his testicles out wit my mouth, sucked those mothafuckas down till they came out. I made that nigga a man and y'all really gonna say we ain't in love? Y'all really think his daddy was gonna put his mouth on that niggas taint and almost get a fuckun anurism tryna suck his nuts out?" The crowd stood in disbelief. They suddenly began clapping and cheering on this man. They all agreed then that pedophelia was now legal in the village.

Then black Spider-Man swung over and tried to beat the pedophile to death with a six foot stick. Suddenly his head was blown off his shoulders with a kablamo. The fish lipped black people all looked over in awe only to see IanCreeper25, with a gun mod installed, standing there with a gun.


End file.
